Eight Ways to Deal with Global Warming Nutcases

Are you convinced that global warming is a bunch of political bunk concocted out of personal greed? Is “drill, baby, drill” the answer to high fuel prices (that are now starting to creep up again) and the solution to importing OPEC oil? Do you feel that you have earned your McMansion-on-wheels and you are going to get the most out of it? You are not alone. So, for those of you that want to throw down the gauntlet of deniability, a pie in the face of enviro-whackos and climate change fanatics, here are eight ways to flaunt your frontier-style independence, your choice of free will over scientific malarkey, and to demonstrate your God-given right to what you deserve and the freedom to choose how you decide—not somebody else—how to live your life.

1. Forget that nonsense about driving slower. Cruising at 70 mph or better (watch out for those speed traps) will get you where you are going faster so you can beat others to the best campsites.

2. Don’t waste time staying at campgrounds too long. Once you spend about half a day seeing the sights, you’ve probably seen what there is to see. It’s time to move on to another place. Otherwise, how can you see the whole country if you stay too long in one place.

3. Leave your old-style lights bulbs that came with your rig until they burn out, then replace them with the same cheap ones. Why spend money when you don’t have to for lower energy lights. The campground pays for the electricity anyway.

4. Get rid of your recycle bins. They take up extra space in your rig, have to be taken to special recycling receptacles, and the stuff probably doesn’t get recycled anyway.

5. Don’t concern yourself with using reusable cloth bags for food shopping, they take up extra room in your rig, are a pain to remember every time you go to the store, and are not nearly as convenient as the free plastic bags that supermarkets hand out. Besides, without these free plastic bags, you would have to pay for trash can liners. And if some of those bags, plastic fast food containers, plastic forks and spoons, and paper coffee cups didn’t end up out on the streets, all those little people that pick up trash for their living would be out of a job.

6. Buy cheap disposable items whenever you can, since by the time things break, there will be new and better things to replace it. And face it, shopping for stuff is one of the joys of RVing to different shopping malls around the country. What are landfills for anyway, but a place to get rid of all the old stuff you don’t want anymore.

7. Don’t even consider buying your dry stores in bulk. Boxed items on supermarket shelves stack better in your cabinets, and when they are empty, it’s easier to just throw away the boxes than have to wash the containers that you would have used to put the bulk stuff in.

8. Buy the most powerful, big-horse truck for your fiver, or a brawny SUV for your toad. It takes power to handle big manly stuff, and your truck or SUV not only tells everybody in those puny fuel efficient cars and wimpy trucks to get out of your way but also lets them know that a real RVer is behind the wheel.